I haven't made a journal since August...I probably won't make another journal for a long time...
In my last journal, I mentioned that I was excited for college and all the new experiences. That mindset changed completely.
I kind of loathe college right now. Some people might think it's the best few years of their lives, but for me, it is complete shit. A few things are good, but I'm two months in, and kind of wish I wasn't there. It honestly has made me kind of depressed and done with life. Classes are okay, but some of them are complete garbage, and are worst than some of my worst high school classes. I've made friends, but so far, I haven't really hung out with anyone outside of class, and I've literally done nothing except watch Youtube videos and do homework on my weekends. I don't expect to go out every week, but sitting at my dorm and doing nothing gets boring after a while. Basically, unless you party (which I don't) don't even bother...
College is also the time where my health decides to fail. I've been sick for more than three times, and it turns out that one of my sicknesses was for an allergy that I had never been shown to have until now. I'm not sick now, but I won't be surprised if I end up catching ebola or something while I'm here.
On top of that, my self-confidence (what little I had) has diminished completely. Lately, I've felt like I can't do anything right. Last week, I attempted to get a job (to raise some money for myself), but I ended up missing the HR orientation for it because I got off at the wrong stop of a bus and the bus driver (intentionally?) led me to believe that I was at the right place, so I waited at the wrong place for an hour. I was LIVID. Other incidents similar to this has happened, so what's the point of trying anything?
I wish I didn't stay at the dorms or better yet, have gone to a different college, but since I don't have a license or a car, I won't be able to transport myself and my parents sure as hell isn't going to be doing that, and also my family doesn't have money to send me to another school because they've already spent a lot paying for the one I'm currently at.
So yeah, life kinda sucks right now. Maybe things might get better as the year goes on, but knowing my luck, I doubt it. Most high school graduates wouldn't say this, but I kind of miss high school.